In November 2018 I wish I had had a looking glass into the future of what 2019 was going to hold for me/our family...but I didn’t. But had I, I would have sat for hours with Jolene during that last family gathering to reminisce and dream with her, hear how she felt about life, what was important to her and share what was important to me. But I didn’t have that opportunity...or didn’t take it because I didn’t know those would be the last days of celebrating family all together. There were signs...I just didn’t see them, or chose not to because life always goes on, right?
January 2019...I wish I had known what was ahead and spent more time talking with Jolene and the Grands and left the cleaning go. But at the time I was preparing the home for her return and wanted things perfect for her/them. Looking back now I wish I’d had known the right questions to ask the doctors. There were so many, but this wasn’t happening to us and life just goes on, right? And I so wish we had insisted on bringing the children into her hospital room in those last days. They deserved to spend time with their mom, but hospital regulations forbid it. I wish I had known...but life goes on,right?
February and April 2019, the whirlwind of celebrating Jolene’s beautiful and meaningful life. I wish I had known why this happened to our family. After all, life just goes on, right? We don’t plan for these things to happen to US. But then why not US. This is the hard part of life. I wish I had known how to deal with it more effectively, been there to hug and cry together more. But I am so very thankful for our family and friends who helped walk me through this journey..,and continue to do so. There is a purpose for all things and God has taught me that I can’t be held accountable for the things I didn’t know...and there were many, only what I do with the path forward. She’s in Gods arms now and my job is to remember and share her story and passion for life. And yes, her life does go on in heaven, and we will be reunited again some day. Until then my heart will go on singing and sunflowers and dragonflies will always, always bring a smile to my face and remind me of a life well lived and loved so much.
I wish I had known and been more prepared...
From a mom’s heart
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